did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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