"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
