Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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