margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
