I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
