its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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