There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
