My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
