Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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