the new term for farting is butt boxing.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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