just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
