I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
