1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Randomize
