I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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