i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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