I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
he wants to bone in the snuggie
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
