I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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