i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
