That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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