I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
