i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Houston, we have a blender
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
