there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
