Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
