my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
