the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
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I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
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This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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