No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
