You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
