the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
