im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
