Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
