She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
