If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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