Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
