Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
