The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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