so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
