I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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