drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
