it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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