she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
