His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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