I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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