He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
