That's when you crack a 10am beer
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
