Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
