what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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