btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
