Walk of Shame. In a state park.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
