when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
