the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
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