I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
