Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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