I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Randomize
