the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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