Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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