it was like having sex with a tree stump
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
