Why are handjobs necessary in class?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
