dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
