Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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