I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
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And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
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I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize