I think my fart just growled at me.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
