i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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