Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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