Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
