Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
