I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
the room spins SO much faster in panama
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
