Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
