In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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