the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
This toilet bowl is my home.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
