I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
