The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize