I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
