I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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