It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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