I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
