what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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