and you said cock pushups were impossible
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
