If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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