Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
