Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
