My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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