I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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