i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Randomize
