I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
